I art, therefore I am…
I started to draw at a young age, I believe it was a way of dethatching from an environment and escaping into my imagination. I don’t believe I was ever in a peaceful and loving environment; I was in an environment where people loved me but were emotionally sick. Generations of abuse and alcoholism had developed a numb and hardworking people who showed love by providing physical shelter and emotional hell. An environment that drove anxiety rather than calm. I imagine that is where Jesus is supposed to step in…Jesus is supposed to step in! So, I made art and prayed. Anyway, Artist exists in all media and careers. Science, math, engineering all has need of an artist. What is an artist? To me it is someone who has skill in an area but wants to push it forward. Someone who is haunted and must push work in that medium, is an artist. There are mathematicians that work very well in many careers; accounting, banking, taxes, billing, engineering, etc.; of all those mathematicians, there a few artists. They stay awake at night trying to figure out concepts in math, looking for patterns in Pi, being excited by equations and decimals. Artist in medicine, that take the known science and apply it other ways; creatively challenging what is accepted.
I say not every creative individual, is an artist. Some are tacticians, others are production assistants, and so on. I can stare at lines and colors for hours; Erotically lost in my thoughts of composition and angles, how to tell different stories with these tools of color and line. How can I interact in a different way than those before me? I can see lazy in a composition, is mine lazy? I can see a phony soap box salesman in the execution of their art. Sometimes I can see beauty where others see misery, almost taken aback by beauty in all its forms. An animal killing another to eat is beautiful. The design of the predator, the spirit of the pray, the dance of survival, the aftermath of the hunt. I can see a derelict environment with trash and filth all around, Humans lost in addiction and misery running about, abandoned dwellings, no hope in sight. I can see the beauty in the individual who sees the way out. They are an artist.
I call myself an artist, because I look for deeper understanding of self and our world, and try to push ideas forward through my art. Hopefully to spark conversation or understanding. Sometimes my subject is beautiful, attractive, appealing even; other times it is ugly, appalling, dark. My pallet could warm or cold. I use the rules of art so that it can be seen as such; but I challenge what is acceptable or not. Most times people want a decoration, a prop, a trinket! And not art. I love how a piece of art can have beauty, as I make some myself. What I like is something that is daring to be better. A piece that interacts with my thoughts not just my eyes. Something uncomfortable vs comfortable. Even if is looked at and frowned at; I love it. I would much rather have a piece of art that stops people and makes them frown, rather than a beautiful piece that people walk by, most of the time, and not even noticing it. We don’t need a world full of artist, believe me. Artist can be very difficult to work with or to trust with common task, because there is no adrenaline in it. Artist are thrill seekers and push to innovate. So, I say to myself, I art, therefor I am an artist. I don’t want to produce beauty; I want to produce thought. I want my viewer to have a reaction, good or bad. I hope it’s a bad one, because its honest. Honesty is often revolutionary in a fake world, with fake outrage. Art is honest, honesty is art.
